It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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