this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
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He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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