Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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