1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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