the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
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Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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