Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize