I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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