Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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