R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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