I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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