This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
