I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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