Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
