normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
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Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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