I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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