What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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