I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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