Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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