And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there was a trapeze. enough said
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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