Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i out mim tonsoeep
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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