nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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