You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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