i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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