maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My life is pants optional.
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