she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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