he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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