Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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