why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
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i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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