dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize