We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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