Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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