ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize