Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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