I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize