Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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