I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
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If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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