imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize