I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize