Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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