dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
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He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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