i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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