who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it was like having sex with a tree stump
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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