This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize