the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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