Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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