Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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