So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
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He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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