duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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