I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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