I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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