So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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