Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
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I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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