I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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