I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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